In 2023, the Supreme Court of India chose not to legalize same-sex marriages, citing the limitations of the judiciary. While this decision disappointed many, marriage isn't the ultimate goal for all queer couples. For some, the focus is on building a life together and navigating the unique challenges of being a same-sex couple in India.

A Love Beyond Legal Labels

“If gay marriage is legalized, will you marry me?” Naina jokingly asks Prerna, her partner of nearly five years. The couple, who share an apartment in South Bengaluru, laugh together. But beneath the laughter, there’s a deeper truth—marriage isn’t necessarily on their agenda.

“We probably won’t get married,” Naina admits. Instead, their concerns are more practical, like what would happen if one of them needed hospital care. “The biggest worry is what happens if one of us ends up in the hospital?” Prerna shares. In India, legal rights for medical decisions often rest with family or legal spouses, leaving many queer couples vulnerable.

Everyday Challenges of Being a Queer Couple

Naina and Prerna are used to curious glances when they walk around their neighborhood. “People often wonder how we’re related,” Naina says. Living in a large apartment complex, they might be the only queer couple. “It’s her white hair,” Naina jokes, pointing out how their age difference confuses onlookers. “I’m not young enough to be her daughter.”

Building a Life Together

Both professionals—Naina is a consultant, and Prerna works in mental health—the couple has carved out a life that looks like any other long-term partnership. Yet, societal norms often force them to present themselves differently to avoid judgment or intrusive questions. “We sometimes say we’re siblings to make things easier,” Prerna explains.

The Long Road of the Lesbian Movement in India

Queer history in India, much like around the world, is marked by resilience and a fight for visibility. The lesbian movement in India took shape in the 1980s and '90s alongside the feminist movement. However, it wasn’t until the release of Deepa Mehta’s film ‘Fire’ that lesbian politics gained significant traction.

Despite societal challenges, Naina and Prerna have come out to close family and friends. “I wanted to come out only if I was in a long-term relationship,” Naina shares. For her, being honest about her relationship was an important step toward living authentically.

Safety Concerns

“There’s always this worry,” Naina says. “That someone might follow us home and do something.” Safety is a real concern for many queer couples in India, where public acceptance is still evolving. Prerna, though initially surprised, agrees that these fears are not unfounded.

A Marriage Without the Marriage

When the pandemic forced everyone indoors, the couple found themselves spending more time together than ever. “It’s like a strong marriage without the legality!” Naina quips. They now share a cozy home with their two cats, and their life together feels as solid as any legally recognized union.

“Something changes with marriage,” Prerna notes. “Without that option, you have to work harder to become a unit. Otherwise, you’re just two individuals.”

Queer Representation in Media

While shows like ‘Made in Heaven’ and films like ‘Badhaai Do’ have brought more queer stories to mainstream audiences, there is still a gap in depicting the everyday realities of queer couples. “These shows don’t answer the basic questions,” Naina points out, “like how to rent a house or what to do if one of us is sick.”

Everyday Life and Practical Solutions

When Naina and Prerna first moved in together, they made sure to put both names on household bills as proof of cohabitation. It was a small but important step in protecting their rights. The concept of ‘jugaad’—finding creative fixes for everyday problems—is a survival skill for many queer couples in India.

Navigating Housing and Landlords

Finding a place to live can be a challenge for unmarried couples in India, and it’s no different for same-sex couples. “We told our first landlord we were cousins,” Naina recalls. The constant questioning from landlords and neighbors is a reminder of how society often struggles to accept anything outside the norm.

Financial and Legal Progress

In August 2024, a small but significant step was made when the Indian finance ministry allowed LGBTQIA+ individuals to open joint bank accounts and be appointed as nominees. While this doesn’t equate to marriage equality, it’s a step forward in recognizing queer relationships legally.

Planning for the Future

When discussing the future, Prerna highlights the challenges of aging as a queer couple. “What happens when our parents grow old? Will they live with us?” The traditional Indian family structure doesn’t always accommodate chosen families, leaving many queer people with uncertainty about their later years.

The Power of Chosen Families

Despite the challenges, Naina and Prerna find strength in their chosen family and Bengaluru’s vibrant queer community. From spontaneous gatherings to planned celebrations, these connections offer a support system that helps them navigate life’s ups and downs.

Conclusion: Love Beyond Labels

For Naina and Prerna, love is not defined by legal recognition but by the life they build together every day. They are an example of how same-sex couples can create fulfilling partnerships even in a society where legal and social acceptance is still catching up. Through their story, it becomes clear that love, commitment, and shared lives transcend the institution of marriage—proving that sometimes, togetherness is the ultimate commitment.