When people talk about “gay sex,” what do they typically think of? The image often conjured is limited to just a few activities, like anal sex or scissoring. However, the reality is far more complex. Queer sex is expansive, diverse, and unique to each individual. The term “gay sex” doesn’t have a singular meaning or fixed form, as it can encompass a wide variety of sexual activities, identities, and preferences. Queerness doesn’t fit into a one-size-fits-all mold, and the language we use to describe our experiences has evolved to reflect this richness. For many queer individuals, the lack of inclusion in mainstream sexual discourse has led us to create our own language and concepts that best express the variety of ways we connect with each other. In this guide, we explore some of the most common terms in queer erotic culture, providing insights, practical advice, and explanations of the diverse and nuanced world of queer sex.

While some of these terms may be familiar to those in the community, others might be new or unfamiliar, especially for those who are new to the queer world or have recently come out. Below, you’ll find explanations for a wide range of queer sex-related terms and practices. Whether you're just starting to explore your sexuality or looking to expand your knowledge, this guide offers detailed insights into some of the most common terms and practices in queer erotic culture.

BDSM

BDSM is an acronym for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, and Sadism and Masochism. It is a sexual subculture with deep roots in queer and trans communities. BDSM can involve a wide variety of activities, such as bondage, role-playing, power dynamics, and consensual pain. It is about exploring power, control, and pleasure in ways that are unique to each individual and their partner(s). It’s essential to approach BDSM activities with care, clear communication, and mutual consent.

Many people find BDSM empowering as it offers an opportunity to express desires that might not be acceptable in mainstream sexual encounters. Exploring BDSM can enhance intimacy and connection between partners, but it’s crucial to always prioritize safety and establish boundaries before engaging in any activities. For a more in-depth look at BDSM, its queer history, and how to get started, there are a number of guides available to help you navigate this complex world safely.

Bottoming

Bottoming generally refers to the role in sexual activity where a person is the recipient of penetration. It is a common term, especially within the gay community, and it doesn't necessarily refer to one particular sexual act. For instance, bottoming can include anal sex, but it can also involve other activities like receiving oral sex or face-sitting. While bottoming has often been seen as a passive role, it can be just as active and empowering as any other role. Many people enjoy the sensation of bottoming because it allows them to experience different types of pleasure and intimacy.

Before engaging in bottoming, it's important to consider preparation, as this can help make the experience more comfortable and enjoyable. Communication with your partner(s) about boundaries and preferences is also crucial. For those interested in learning more about bottoming, there are several helpful guides and tips on how to make the experience enjoyable for both you and your partner.

Chudai

Chudai is a term with roots in 18th-century Hindustani, which roughly translates to “fuck” in English. It has found new life on the internet, especially in gay memes and adult content. The term has become popular in gay porn and amongst OnlyFans creators, where it is often used in explicit content to describe sex acts. Though its historical meaning is straightforward, its contemporary use within the context of queer sexual culture carries a different significance.

If you’ve come across the term “chudai” in online spaces, it’s useful to understand its origins and why it’s used in certain contexts. It’s always valuable to learn the cultural and historical implications of terms, as this can enhance your understanding of their current usage in modern queer communities.

Douching

Douching refers to the process of using a water or solution to flush the rectum, usually in preparation for anal sex. While not essential for everyone, many people find douching makes bottoming more comfortable by cleaning the area beforehand. However, it’s crucial to do it properly to avoid any health risks or discomfort.

For those interested in douching, there are a few important tips to keep in mind. First, never douche in a bathtub or use harsh chemicals. A simple, gentle water solution is ideal. Also, ensure that you give yourself enough time to prepare and make sure you don’t rush the process. It’s also important to listen to your body and only do what feels right for you. There are detailed guides available to help you safely perform this practice if you choose to do so.

Eating Out

Eating out, also known as oral sex, involves using the mouth to stimulate a partner’s erogenous zones, such as their vulva, anus, or other sensitive areas of the body. While it’s often viewed as foreplay, for many queer individuals, eating out can be a fulfilling and intimate form of sexual activity.

One key to a successful eating out experience is communication. Understanding your partner’s likes, dislikes, and what feels good to them is crucial. Using your tongue, lips, and mouth with the right amount of pressure and sensitivity can make the experience much more enjoyable for both partners. Practice, patience, and open dialogue about preferences will enhance your ability to give and receive pleasure.

Fingering

Fingering refers to the act of using fingers to stimulate a partner’s body, typically the vulva, anus, or other sensitive areas. While it’s often used as foreplay, fingering can be a sexual activity in its own right. It can be incredibly pleasurable for many people, especially when combined with other forms of sexual activity.

The key to successful fingering is listening to your partner’s body language and being mindful of their comfort. Don’t rush the process, and always communicate about what feels good. When done with care and attention, fingering can be an incredibly intimate and enjoyable experience for all involved.

Golden Showers

Golden showers, also known as watersports or urophilia, involve sexual acts that include urine. While this is often misunderstood or stigmatized, it’s a common kink for many queer individuals. It can involve urinating on a partner or being urinated on as a form of erotic play.

As with any sexual activity, communication, consent, and respect for boundaries are essential. It’s important to approach golden showers with an open mind and ensure that all participants are comfortable with the activity. There are resources available that explain how to practice this kink safely, as well as the reasons why it may appeal to certain individuals.

Gooning

Gooning refers to a form of masturbation that results in a trance-like state, often described as a "goon state." This is a primal and uninhibited form of self-pleasure that some people find incredibly satisfying. While the term has grown in popularity among certain queer online communities, it’s not something that everyone engages in. However, for those who do, it can be a highly pleasurable and meditative experience.

Gooning is not about reaching climax quickly but rather about enjoying the process of pleasure and losing oneself in the sensations. It can be a deeply satisfying way to explore your sexuality and pleasure on your own terms.

Hanky Code

The Hanky Code, or flagging, was a system developed in the 1970s as a covert way for queer individuals to communicate sexual preferences without explicitly stating them. By wearing a colored bandana in a specific pocket, people could signal their sexual desires or preferences, creating a form of communication within the gay community.

Although it has evolved over time, the Hanky Code remains a significant part of queer culture. Today, many people still use flagging as a way to signal interest or preferences in specific sexual acts. It’s important to remember that consent and communication are key in any sexual encounter, and the Hanky Code is just one of many ways that queer people have historically navigated their sexual lives in a world that often silences them.

Impact Play

Impact play is a form of BDSM that involves the consensual hitting or striking of a partner’s body for sexual pleasure. This can include activities such as spanking, flogging, or even light punching. As with all BDSM activities, impact play requires clear communication, boundaries, and consent. It’s crucial to check in with your partner and make sure everyone involved is comfortable and safe.

While impact play can be thrilling, it’s important to approach it with care. Ensure that both you and your partner(s) understand the physical and emotional boundaries involved in the play. With the right precautions and communication, impact play can be a fun and exhilarating way to explore power dynamics and physical pleasure.

Outercourse

Outercourse refers to sexual activity that doesn’t involve penetration. This can include mutual masturbation, oral sex, and other forms of non-penetrative sexual play. For many queer individuals, outercourse is a fulfilling way to experience pleasure and intimacy without the need for penetration. It’s important to note that outercourse can be as satisfying and pleasurable as penetrative sex, and it offers many avenues for exploration.

Outercourse also has the benefit of being safer in terms of preventing unwanted pregnancies or sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Whether you engage in outercourse as a main sexual activity or as part of a broader sexual encounter, it’s essential to communicate with your partner(s) and make sure that everyone is comfortable with the activities taking place.

Pillow Princess, Stone Top, and Touch Me Not

In addition to terms like top, bottom, and vers, there are other terms that have emerged within lesbian and queer spaces to describe different sexual roles. For example, a “pillow princess” (or stone bottom) refers to someone who prefers to be passive during sex and typically only bottoms. On the other hand, a “stone top” is someone who exclusively tops and doesn’t engage in bottoming, while a “touch me not” is a term often used within Black queer communities to describe someone who doesn’t want to be touched or engaged with sexually.

These terms highlight the diversity within queer sexual roles and how individuals define their sexual experiences based on their own preferences and identities. It’s important to remember that these terms are fluid, and you don’t need to subscribe to a particular label if it doesn’t feel right for you.

Riding Face

Riding face, or facesitting, is a form of sexual activity where one partner sits on the other partner’s face while receiving oral stimulation. This position allows the person riding face to take control of their pleasure and guide the actions of their partner. While facesitting is often seen as a submissive act, it can be empowering for the person in control, as it allows them to dictate the pace and intensity of the sexual encounter.

To master the art of riding face, communication is essential. Make sure both partners are comfortable with the position, and be mindful of the physical limitations of both parties. With the right technique, riding face can be an exhilarating and deeply intimate experience.

Scissoring

Scissoring is a well-known yet often misunderstood sex position, typically associated with lesbian and queer female sexual experiences. In this position, two people with vulvas face each other, interlock their legs, and rub their genitalia together. Despite the common myth that scissoring is not a feasible position, many people find it to be pleasurable and intimate when done correctly.

While scissoring is sometimes portrayed as a “stereotypical” lesbian act, it’s important to understand that it’s just one of many ways that people with vulvas can experience pleasure. The key to successful scissoring is communication and ensuring that both partners are comfortable and enjoying themselves.

Sexting

Sexting is the act of sending sexually explicit text messages or images to a partner. In today’s digital age, sexting has become a popular and enjoyable way to maintain intimacy and sexual connection, especially when distance is a factor. It can involve sending dirty messages, flirting, or sharing intimate photos, but it’s important to always ensure that both parties are comfortable and consenting.

Good sexting requires practice, creativity, and a willingness to explore different ways to build sexual tension through text. It’s important to respect boundaries and privacy, and to ensure that any intimate content shared is consensual and private. Effective sexting can enhance sexual intimacy and communication, and it offers a safe way to explore desires and fantasies.

Sniffies

Sniffies is a hookup app that has gained popularity within the queer community, particularly among gay men. It allows users to connect with others in their area for casual encounters, offering a more interactive and location-based approach to meeting people. While hookup apps can be intimidating or daunting for some, Sniffies offers a platform for queer individuals to explore sexual connections with others in a way that prioritizes consent and communication.

For those who are interested in using Sniffies or other hookup apps, it's important to be aware of privacy concerns and safety tips. Always meet in safe public spaces initially, and never share personal information unless you feel completely comfortable. Understanding how to use hookup apps safely and effectively can help you navigate the world of online connections with confidence.

Squirting

Squirting, often associated with female ejaculation, refers to the release of clear fluid from the urethra during sexual activity. It can occur before, during, or after orgasm and is distinct from urine, although it is often misunderstood. For many people, squirting is a pleasurable and often mysterious experience, with some individuals finding it difficult to achieve while others experience it frequently.

If you're interested in learning more about squirting, it’s helpful to understand the physiological factors that contribute to it. While not everyone experiences squirting, those who do may find it to be a deeply satisfying form of sexual release. There are a number of resources and guides available to help you explore this phenomenon if you're curious.

Strap-ons

Strap-ons are a popular sex toy that consists of a harness